I have become very comfortable in the circles I run in.
At work I am safe. All my co-workers know my story.
At church I am safe.They all know my story & my heart.
Within my family I am safe. They all know my story, pray for me, encourage me.
But when I get outside of those circles, that is when I avoid. I avoid others like the plague. I can walk thru a crowded room with a smile on my face and not make eye contact once. I find ways to busy myself so as to keep strangers from talking to me. It's not that I am too good or too shy. I can be very outgoing when I want to be. I remember when I loved meeting new people and learning about where they are from and what makes them smile.
I avoid people because people ask questions.
"So which one is yours?" Did your Mother not teach you to never, ever, ever assume!
"So when are you going to have kid?" Again with the assuming.
When these questions are asked, it's as if I've just had the air knocked out of me. The wind is taken from my sails. It takes a minute for me to find the words to respond.
So now that I have this knowledge, what do I do with it?
You keep being who you are and God will take care of the rest. I have some of the same feelings because of Daniel's issues and it's hard. But, God made us who we are for a reason. It's heart breaking to hear you are having such a hard time but I know there is the perfect child out there just waiting for God to prepare you for each other.
ReplyDeleteWhat helped me was finally realizing that I did not owe anyone an answer. If I felt like sharing some I would. If I didn't- I would just ignore and change the subject, or ask a very personal, inappropriate question back (usually in my head because I'm so non-confrontational). "how did your last pap smear go?"
ReplyDeleteyou don't owe anyone a response if you don't feel like giving one at that time. Hugs Hollie- and you know I'm praying for you, and am here for you!!
Kathy- that was great! thank you for making me laugh! (:
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